I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
