I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
