Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just threw up on my dentist
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
