u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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