I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
