you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize