haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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