Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
