I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
