me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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