I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
