I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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