i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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