i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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