Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have tasted many bathrooms
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
