I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
