Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
