why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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