im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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