They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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