you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
