I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
