6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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