I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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