she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
