He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
