She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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