I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We talked him into tasing himself.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
