i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
