It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
