You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
