he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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