Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
