why im i the only drunk person in the library?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
