Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
