Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize