Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
