5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize