There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
