My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
