I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
