How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
