There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
