If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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