Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
