I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How external is "for external use only"?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
