Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
