Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think my mom watched the whole time
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
