That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
