I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
