wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
