was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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