no, he came in my armpit
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
