My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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