I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
