i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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