You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
MIDGETS
????
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
