i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
