The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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