I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
