We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
