if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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