You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
