Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
