Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
