Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
