hotel room ftw
apparently the secret to your success is patron
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
