The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
