:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
