ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
