Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
