If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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